Anindita Chowdhury
"Damu, why didn't you get married?" Titas asked in a solemn voice.
"Umm, huh?" Damu or Damini answered somewhat absent mindedly.
"Dammmuuu" Titas raised her voice by a few decibels. Damu was actually her aunt, her mother's sister but none of her nephews or nieces addressed her so. She was Damu to everybody, elder or younger.
Damu, who was actually peering at her mobile screen, trying to type out a rather long text message eventually abandoned her attempt and sat up.
"What is it now?" She said exasperatedly. Titas could be extremely nagging when she wanted to. And right now she was experiencing the flush of first love which had made her somewhat moody, at times exhilarated followed by a spell of gloom. And with the situation a little tricky at home, Damu didn't really want to upset her.
"Why didn't you marry?"
Relieved that it was nothing serious, Damu returned to her text message.
"Didn't get time" - She said.
"What rubbish! Why didn't you find time?"
"I was busy ushering in the revolution. Have you forgotten?" Damu replied tongue- in-cheek.
"What nonsense! Didn't Baba Maa marry? You could not have been busier than Baba. What about Pikaimama? Didn't they all get married?"
"Your parents were different. Your mother was never into politics though she supported our cause. We, the younger lot were busy delivering letters, carrying secret missives and messages keeping the police and spies at bay. We had no time for romance and it never crossed my mind."
Titas looked cross.
"Didi was always away from home, first because of studies and then her job kept her away. Your parents had met when she came home during Puja holidays and within a month they were married. They kept it a secret. When Baba came to know, and that was much later, he was furious."Titas loved this bit. What can be more exciting than a secret marriage?
"Damu, how did they manage to keep it secret?" Titas hoped to nudge Damu into a story telling session though she had heard it umpteenth time.
But Damu who usually loved to dig into the past with equal interest and oblige her nephews and nieces, today did not rise to the bait. Clearly her mind was elsewhere.
"Some other time. It's time for Dhrubada's dinner. I have to help your mother."
Even as she rose to her feet Sohini called out to her. It was getting more and more difficult to feed him. Initially, Dhruba would forget that he had eaten and would ask for meals at every hour. And nowadays he forgets to swallow his food. She went to the adjoining room. A huge black and white close up of a young Dhruba with smiling eyes, a gift from one of his admirers, dominated the room. Sohini had taken it out a few months back and hung it, just as a reminder of the man he was before this dreadful disease got him. He had the sharpest mind in the party. Intellectually, he was the very best. An exceptionally bright student he had abandoned his studies after graduation to follow the cause of armed revolution.
He was her idol; a sigh followed inevitably but Damu checked herself in front of Sohini. It was no less painful for her to see the man with a razor-sharp intellect who could rattle off economic theories, political analyses at the drop of the hat, being strapped to his chair with a towel tied like a bib around his neck; an overgrown child waiting to be spoon-fed. Sometimes he would get restless. These days, as his disease progressed he ate very little, resisted taking a bath or brushing his teeth. If Sohini persisted he would get irritated. Somehow Damini's presence calmed him.
For a month or so he had been extremely fidgety during day break. Twice he had left home and wandered in the streets while others slept. Sohini who sleeps in the same room did not realise he had crept away. He was found on the streets, looking absolutely bewildered. Thankfully, once it was an early morning walker and on the second occasion, the milk man, who had found him wandering on the streets and Damini and Titas had brought him back.
The dose of sedatives was increased and since then he has been extremely drowsy, barely able to keep his eyes open. Years ago, Sohini had fallen for him simply looking at his eyes - they said so much. She knew intellectually she was a dwarf to him and she had no interest in his political or ideological outlook. Yet, she financially supported him and the family as he went out trying to change the world.
The revolution had eventually fizzled out. Naxalbari was history. But she admired him for his belief in his causes, however idealistic and outdated they might sound in today's world. A popular leader in the party, he was known for his oratory, wielded a powerful pen and was a master of political theories and analyses. But now his eyeballs were like glazed marbles. The eyes said nothing to her.
"The doctor was wondering why he wanted to leave home at that hour. I could not think of anything, "Sohini said as Damu sat beside her.
"Didi, there is no need to give these high sedatives. Look, how dull his eyes look! I will keep a watch on him."
Sohini looked troubled. She was an extremely strong, resilient woman but at times she felt she did not have the strength to carry on. She had opted for VRS from her university job to look after Dhruba. But for the past two years it had been difficult. Still, there were some loyal party workers who were happy to chip in and Titas was a great support, despite her studies. But Sohini felt physically exhausted and she was mentally crumbling inside as well It was tough on her seeing him wasting away with every passing day. Who would say he has barely crossed sixty-five? He looked haggard and unkempt. Thankfully, Damu had joined her after her retirement. Sohini felt guilty about taking help from outside, but with Damu things were different. She could rely on Damu.
"After slogging out all day, how can you stay awake at that time?" asked Sohini. "I don't need to stay awake the whole night. I will set the alarm 10 minutes to 5 am and get up and keep a watch. If he wants to go out I can always accompany him. We used to do it during those days. All those underground would be moved to safer hideouts during that hour so as not to arouse suspicion."
And then she exclaimed: "O God! Didi, how could I forget this?"
"What?"
"Don't you realise he used to change his hideouts at the wee hours. That is why he is trying to leave house at that time. How stupid of us!" Damu could barely contain her excitement. "Well, I don't know much about that. I was away. You were his comrade." Sohini said with a rare smile.
Her heart warmed up whenever she thought of those days. Dhruba was tall and lanky, dark complexioned but with very sharp features. He was holed up the entire day in a small room on the attic, hunched over a bunch of papers. All the while he would be reading or writing pamphlets for the cause of armed revolution. She supported their cause as did the rest of the family. Despite her father being a government servant that too in the home department their house was considered to be a safe hideout for those fighting against the bourgeois order. His superiors were unaware of his political ideology. Dhruba was a hard-core political activist, the brain behind the party's activities. He was in charge of writing revolutionary pamphlets to reach out to students, farmers and labourers and prepare the ground for revolution. Damu who was still in school would smuggle his papers to his comrades and the printer. She was his true girl Friday. Who would suspect a school girl, particularly because of her small, petite frame, of indulging in such risky activities? Moreover, since her father was in the home department their family was never under suspicion.
Actually, Dhruba had escaped the police dragnet couple of times and was caught only when general elections were round the corner. But by then the police had also lost their zeal and a friendly government was installed within a few months. Unlike his other comrades who were tortured, he had escaped quite lightly. Many of his comrades were left debilitated by the police torture. Some of them were caught and shot at the back in fake encounters. They went missing. Nobody saw them again. Sohini sometimes wondered was it the extreme stress he had suffered in those days finally caught up through Alzheimer's.
They had missed the early signs when he would muddle up dates or forget where he kept his spectacles. Five years back, one day on his way back home from a party conference, he forgot all about the car and wandered off in the streets. He had forgotten his address and could not find his way back home. Thankfully, he was a familiar figure and a comrade had recognised him while he stood bewildered in front of a building and brought him back. By then the downhill journey had started. Nowadays, he failed to recognize his wife and daughter. Only Damu appeared to be his bridge with the past.
"Maa, do you need any medicines?"Titas peeked through the curtains. She was on her way to university. "Did you eat? Bring your plate here. You can eat with your father."
Damu looked at Dhruba with a keen eye. Was there a flicker of recognition when Titas entered? Every day she hoped there would be a small indication that things were not as grim as they looked. She still painstakingly read out the papers to him but he barely responded.
"I can't find the comb again." Titas complained, while adjusting the towel around Dhruba's neck.
Sohini and Damu exchanged a sad smile. It was unthinkable; Dhruba had been hoarding combs. If they found his hoard and removed any of the combs he would scream and accuse them of stealing.
"There is one in my purse. Use it and then put it back, otherwise he will take it way, "Damu said. Titas nodded. Her mother looked upset. The other day Baba had flew into a rage when Maa had taken out a comb from the cupboard where he had kept his hoard.
Just to perk her mother up, Titas asked: "Maa, why didn't Damu marry?"
"Damu and marriage? She was too busy being Jhansi Ki Rani and Mother Teresa, I guess," Sohini said. Besides nobody thought about it at home. She was a tomboy from childhood. She was the son her father never had, Sohini thought to herself."She was always running around, chipping in whoever needed help. Then the party was there. Though, after she took the government job she could not be an active member. But she was fairly involved," said Sohini as Damu nodded in agreement.
"Thank God, Damu moved in with us. Otherwise how would we manage?" Sohini tenderly patted her sister's hand.
"And love? Didn't you ever fall in love, Damu?"
"Aren't you getting late?" Damu said while noticing Dhruba has become listless again.
"Oh! Yes." Titas handed her plate to her mother and rushed off. Sohini went to see her off. Damu released the straps and helped Dhruba to his bed. She puffed his pillow and as he made himself comfortable, she wiped off the dribble from the corner of his mouth.
"Is it this love - Titas was asking about?"
She wondered watching Dhruba settle into a deep, peaceful slumber.